It may be interesting that I have never felt so lonely, and so 'together' at the same time. Life is on track, things are falling into place, slowly. Thanks are due to the good Lord above, obviously, as none of it happens without His say-so. And as life begins to take on some kind of order, for the first time maybe.. ever, in my adult life, I also sense more than ever how lonely I am. I miss the belly-deep laughter only good friends/loves can bring. I don't remember my last belly-laugh.

I've been tackling a difficult issue recently, something I knew was simmering but has only recetly morphed from an issue into a small problem. I date. I date in order to find the Compatible Random Person for me. The people I date, however, are not falling into the category of Compatible Random People! I am dating men/boys who really don't have the same priorities as me. I meet people who are lovely and odd, but who don't keep Shabbat. I am set up by people who know me, with people who are not even remotely religious, nor really interested in ever being more religious. For a while I pondered over what it is about me that makes people think I am not as religious as I am. When I realised the deal-breaker, I realised I had a bigger problem on my hands than imagined.
While I was raised in the framework of religious zionism - in Israel termed 'dati-leumi' - an ardent Bnei Akiva-nik and modern/orthodox/realist Jew all my life, my framework since I made Aliyah has adjusted somewhat. While able to lounge in armchair criticism pre-Aliyah, I placed myself as right of center, but with occasional loud left-wing outbursts.
I moved here with good intentions, motivated partly by ideology and partly not at all, and it is here that I am asked to choose a 'wing'. I am asked to box my political worries and concerns, priorities and negotioables into a shape that other people can indentify and digest easily.

I'm an orthodox Jew, I observe halachot, I believe in the Torah, that it was divinely inspired and I believe in the tenets and principles of real, original-flavoured Judaism. I would never have moved here if I didn't believe in not just Eretz Yisrael - the land of Israel - but Medinat Yisrael, the state of Israel. An immigrant Jew who practises orthodoxy-with-a-twist in Israel's most metropolitan city, who can't find a place of her own. I can relate to the Torah-based ideals of those living on yishuvim and in the shtachim. I can understand, because I believe in the same Torah and in the same G-d. I have stayed in Chevron, I have momentarily felt the depth of their love for their land and fleetingly understood why are they clinging on with fingernails to an area entwined with Jewish history. I also live in a world of reality, where all our actions have larger complication and connotations. My thoughts are always unfinished on this.