In true Copycat stylee, I've discovered that even the very name of my own blog is copied. Dortster, i do hope you'll forgive me. You are the true Orange Jew. I knew i knew it from somewhere... Plucked from a little cabinet drawer at the back of my mind. The Dorty Drawer.

Today I am mostly nervous that W will call up and I'll answer. This is mostly because he DID just call up and I didnt answer, J did. I'm an idiot. What a mess I made of that whole.. episode. And there's a whole 3 months to go of hoping the next phone call wont be awkward and weird and that i will turn crimson in front of colleague-types. But '3 months' also reminds me that it's 3 months til I'm free.

Freedom. Israel. Escape. Newness. Deep, relaxing intake of breath...

Am also, today, laughing inside that BB is actually going to come to London and actually want to see me and I'll actually have forgotten what he looks like.

oh *sigh* (nod to KC, weird Singaporian roomie of yesteryear) Is it possible to rewind? To start over? I've made a mess of a lot of things. Frienship things. Boy things. I'd go back to age 14 and just start all over again. Make different decisions. Annoying characters in equally annoying movies will say "...and if i could go back, I wouldnt do things any differently." Rubbish. I'd do it ALL differently! But we dont get to rewind. I made my bed. And now this one's married, this one has kids, this one hates me, this one hates women...
And O will tell me this is the way things are meant to be. I would even tell myself ("It's all in Hashem's hands, fool") Because this HAS all happened for a reason. None of them were IT. Not Five Children and It. IT. My zivug. HE. The one O will rush up to yelling "Where have you been?! I've been waiting for ages!"

It's all about forgiving other people, at this time of the year. Maybe I also need to learn to forgive myself. But accept blame. Embrace the blame. But it's also not always my fault. See how it could get confusing, being this way?